


Sharing the Burden

by Bizarra



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Chakotay has some feels to feel, Episode: s07e01 Unimatrix Zero Part II, F/M, Light Angst, XOs for the XOs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarra/pseuds/Bizarra
Summary: In the Aftermath of Unimatrix Zero, Kathryn pays a visit to Chakotay.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 33
Kudos: 132
Collections: XOs for the XOs





	Sharing the Burden

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Coffeeblack for organizing this fest! First Officers need hugs too!
> 
> This was beta'd by Prowriter, so if there's any mistakes it's on me. :)

Chakotay looked up from his work at the chirp of the doorbell. “Come?” He said with a questioning lilt as it was nearing 2300. He was even more surprised by who entered.

He stood as his visitor carefully limped in. “Kathryn. Shouldn’t you be in sickbay?”

The usually impressive mien of his captain was much smaller as she used the backs of chairs to make her way deeper into his quarters. Chakotay quickly wrapped an arm around her back and let her lean against him as she walked. “I escaped.” Her voice sounded winded. “Though perhaps that might not have been my wisest decision.”

He felt her hand clutch the back of his grey T-shirt as they eased to the couch. “Did you walk from sickbay to here?”

“It took me a while,” She winced as Chakotay helped her settle onto the sofa. He ran to his bedroom and grabbed pillows from the bed to prop against her back. She sighed, “thank you.”

Now that she was comfortable, he crouched in front of her, “not that I don’t enjoy late night visits from you, but The Doctor is going to be hopping mad at me when he finds you here.”

Her hand waved dismissively. “He’ll get over it.” Her eyes drifted to the silver cup on his desk. “I know enough to know I can’t have coffee but could I have some tea, or maybe some juice?”

Chakotay smiled sympathetically at her, “since I don’t know what the Doc ordered for food and drink, would water suffice?”

She lay back on the pillow with a sigh. “Okay.” He went to the replicator to retrieve her beverage.

When he returned, he sat on the edge of the couch beside her and helped her drink. “I really don’t like that you’re not in sickbay.”

“I can’t stay there. The Doctor’s driving me crazy with his singing. It’s too bright and I can’t look at Tuvok anymore without feeling overwhelmed with guilt.” She protested.

“Why are you here?”

She handed him the glass, but kept one of his hands clutched in hers. “I wanted to see how you were.”

“Me?” He shook his head lightly. “I’m fine.”

“I know you,” Kathryn regarded him with a patient smile, “and I know what nearly happened. I know you’re not fine.”

He sat back and pulled his hand free. “Kathryn, this is too close…”

She brushed a hand against his brow, “I know. But, when I came to that first time after my surgery, I could see the pain in your eyes.” She lowered her head slightly, “and I realized it was not the first time I’ve put that look on your face.”

His eyes met hers quickly, wanting to stop her misplaced guilt before it entrenched itself with the other guilt she felt. “You have nothing to do with that. These are my feelings to deal with, not yours.”

“They’re feelings about me,” she whispered.

Chakotay turned away from her, “But it’s my…” he stopped when her hand wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him back around. “I can’t change how I feel.”

“I’m not asking you to do that, Chakotay.” Her hand drifted down his arm as he turned to her. “I’m asking you if you’re okay.”

He breathed an ironic laugh as he stood. “Whether or not I’m okay right now is wrapped entirely in how I feel about you.” He stepped to the desk and dragged his knuckles across the top, his back to her. “I can’t watch you nearly die again and I don’t know how to reconcile that with my job.” He swept a grouping of PADDS off the desk in anger. “Before you say anything, I know. I know this is exactly why we cannot be more to each other. But I can’t stop loving you, any more than I can stop breathing.”

“Knowing that you love me is what gets me through each day in this hell of a quadrant.” He turned at her comment and saw her trying to scoot off the couch. Her eyes met his, “What I can’t fathom is why, after all this time, you’re still here.”

He moved closer to stop her movement, “Kathryn, please stay there or let me call the Doc.”

She gave him a wry smile, “there you go again. Putting my needs first. Sit.”

Kathryn pulled him onto the sofa next to her. “I realized something when I woke up for what seemed like the hundredth time with your worried face over mine.” She lay a hand gently on his knee, “I finally understood that while I take comfort in your presence, you’re always tense in mine. I saw the rawness of your pain for what it is.”

Chakotay’s automatic reaction was to do exactly that. His stance grew rigid, and he moved to separate them.

“You’re doing it now.” her grasp on his arm tightened. “Chakotay please look at me.” He turned to her, but kept his head bowed, not wanting her to see his eyes. Kathryn lifted his chin and turned his face to meet hers. “I never wanted you to hurt.” She cupped his cheek and he finally let his eyes fall to hers. “I thought you knew, but you don’t, really? Do you?”

Chakotay spoke softly, “I don’t want you doing anything that you’ll regret later.”

“You’re in pain and it’s not fair of me to let this continue.” Her voice hitched. “Chakotay, I love you too.” Her thumb drifted over his cheek. “Nothing can change until we get home, but I need you to know that. I need you to know you aren’t alone in this.”

His head gently lay against hers, and he felt a tear drop from his cheek to her hand. He didn’t trust his voice, but he knew he needed to speak. “Thank you.” He clenched his eyes against more tears. “Now I can tell you how it felt to watch you step into that turbolift, knowing that could very well have been the last time I saw my beautiful Kathryn vibrantly alive. That the next time I saw you, you’d be a drone. Or worse, a corpse.”

A cry escaped his throat, and she held him tighter. “Let it go, Chakotay. Let it out.”

He rocked against her shoulder and let his tears fall, trying to be mindful of her tender injuries. Kathryn held him until his wracking sobs abated and he lay silent against her. “I’m sorry I scared you.” She whispered against his ear. “But I had to do this. I couldn’t let the Queen have the drones in Unimatrix Zero.”

“I know. You wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with if you’d let this go.” Chakotay sat and wiped his face. “I’m sorry. You don’t need to see my weakness.”

“Hey,” Kathryn reached and took his face in her hands. “After what I put you through in the last twenty-four hours, you have a right to those tears.” She gave him a light smile. “It’s high time I helped you carry this relationship. The fact that you’re still here and that you still care is a testament to the depth of your feelings for me.” Her gaze lowered slightly. “I don’t deserve your love, but, from now on, I will treasure it always and keep it safe alongside my own.”

“Can I kiss you? Just this once?” Chakotay asked her.

To answer, she pulled him closer and pressed her lips to his in a kiss that held a promise; a kiss that held seven years of pent up passion; a kiss that held the future. They only broke it when the two needed air. She smiled, “that was some kiss.”

Chakotay gave her forehead a quick peck. “The next time I kiss you like that, Kathryn Janeway, will be the day we either dock at McKinley Station or land on the parade grounds at Command.” He drifted a thumb across her lips, “and that kiss will be the beginning of the rest of our lives, I promise you that.”

She nodded with a slight laugh, “I will hold you to that.” Her smile faded and her countenance turned serious, “Chakotay, you know I can’t promise to not take chances with my life if it means protecting this ship and her crew.” She pulled his hand from her cheek and sandwiched it between her own, “but I will promise to listen to your advice to find alternatives and keep you informed every step of the way. I meant it when I said that from now on, you’re not the only one carrying this relationship.” A slow grin spread across her face, “that also means that you won’t keep me out of the loop either. We command this ship together, Chakotay. Let’s continue to remember that.”

Chakotay held his hand out for her to take, which she did. “Deal.” He said as they shook on it. “Now, Captain.” He gave her his sternest look, “I’m taking you back to sickbay.”

She sighed dramatically. “Okay.” She let Chakotay pick her up, which was a testament to how bad she still felt. “But if The Doctor so much as mutters an aria, I’m muting him.”

Their laughter followed them to the door of his quarters. He stopped just before triggering its sensor and angled his head to face hers, “thank you.”

Her hand rose to caress his face, and she lay contentedly against his shoulder as they made their way to Deck 5.


End file.
